they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize