woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
