the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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