my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
