just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
