pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
