the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
