I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
