Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
