just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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