I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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