you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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