My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
