Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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