I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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