my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
