Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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