Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize