i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
