And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
