Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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