I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Holy sore nipples Batman
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
