Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
