Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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