The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize