I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You can't motorboat a personality
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
