I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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