I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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