Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
