he wants to bone in the snuggie
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
