I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she looked like the before picture.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
