I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
