I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
