Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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