this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
