Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
