I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
