don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
