Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
