The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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