u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
