sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
