I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
