I will die if light touches me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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