At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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