Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
