And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
