Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize