Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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