Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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