We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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