I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
