the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
