It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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