his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
