I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
