So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
