I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dicks are not precious.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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