shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
