I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I got inside last night via doggy door
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
