she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
