i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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