benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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