I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
