I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
