I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
