There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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