Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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