Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
