dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
