I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
