he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
