you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
