Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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