The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
