Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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