I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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