new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
