mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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