i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
