morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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