The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
