if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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