Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
