I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
