I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
