Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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