I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
