I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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