I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
