i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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