im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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