I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
