i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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