Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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