I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
