omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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