Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
