Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
