I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
