just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
