I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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