I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
