remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
