Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
