whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
