Pants 0. Shit 1.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
