I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
