did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize