she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
