um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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